I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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