I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
