dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
