You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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