Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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