Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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