I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize