She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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