i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize