Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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