New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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