Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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