Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the liver wants what the liver wants
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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