so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
