I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
