so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
