You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
