I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
