No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
