I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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