just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
