This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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