I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize