I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
