thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
