I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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