I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
