respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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