so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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