She is in my trunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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