He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
