wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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