you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
