I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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