And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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