That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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