do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
