why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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