did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BRING THE BAGELS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
