Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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