i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
