Plan B is the new Plan A
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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