Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
