Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
