I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
