someone threw a dead crab at me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize