im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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