I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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