good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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