By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
