Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
