he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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