you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
