bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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