I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
