Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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