just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
