I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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