So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
