i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
