How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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