Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
