Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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