I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
