if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
