Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
