Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
