Dude my mom stole all your condoms
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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