you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
