Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
