After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
