The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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