U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
